CSGO Ranks:

Silver 1:

No keyboard, no mouse, game sense of a chimp. In other words, you’re bad in CSGO.

Silver 2:

If flashed: panic and throw all your nades! Buy the most expensive gun you can and never eco—the reaction time of a walrus.

Silver 3:

Run n’ Gun rank. P90 and Auto snipers. Firstly,  they never stop moving. Secondly, they throw flashbangs when all enemies are dead. What’s head armor?

Silver 4:

Players here begin to notice a small circle that seems to rotate as they rotate on their screen—disregarded until Silver Elite. M4A4 starts here. Running and gunning are still very common.

Silver Elite:

Attempt to copy pro player lives with minimal success. Players here now sometimes stop before firing. However, they are also easily startled. The sound of a Negev reverts them to their Silver 2 Stage.

Silver Elite Master:

‘I’m Gold Nova 1, but my teammates are holding me back’. Begin to learn intricate callouts at this rank. More usage of the minimap here.

Gold Nova 1:

Euphoric Explosion Rank. Players here begin to think they’re hot shit. Many players here have the aim of a soggy potato salad, but the game sense of a mutilated cheeseburger.

Gold Nova 2:

Players begin to brag to their friends in school; they finally reached the rank of two-star General in a bomb planting game. Friends are unimpressed. Slightly higher usage of the minimap, begin to learn smokes, KennyS is the name of the guy who picks up the sniper rifle.

Gold Nova 3:

Super intense about CSGO. Breaks down into tears when demoted back to Gold Nova 2, has a party when they get their extra star. The reaction time of shampoo.

Gold Nova Master:

AK IS ALMOST MINE. Friendships break here. Betrayal, cheating, and hardships come with getting out of this rank. As if getting the AK will make them any better.

Master Guardian 1:

King of the Noobs. The Average in terms of skilled CSGO players. Somewhat knows, what smoke is, and how to use a flashbang. You have slight PTSD when someone on your team buys the Negev and rushes into A site.

Master Guardian 2:

EVERYONE IS HACKING HERE!

Master Guardian Elite:

Finally, A mix of people who know what they’re doing, and people who own a shitload. You are now Mediocre, in terms of skilled CS. WELCOME TO CEVO PUGS.

Distinguished Master Guardian:

You can taste the feathers on your tongue. The eagle is near. Somehow nothing will let you leave this rank. But in CSGO, The star is forever. Forever. Forever…

Legendary Eagle:

Do you know how that Macklemore guy walks down the street with this pimp jacket in the thrift shop song? That’s you. You feel top of the world, In conclusion, it could easily destroy you. The reaction time of a startled Teenage girl. Moral level: 0.

Legendary Eagle Master:

Carried to this rank, or the most fucking impossible and difficult rank to leave in the history of counter strike. You know every smoke, every flash, and have downloaded countless apps to help you with your smokes and flashes. You are a library of CSGO information who play this game and only this game. The last time you saw the light from the outside was when you forgot to close your blackout blinds, and suffered second degree burns.

Supreme Master First Class:

‘ALL those syllables and you still don’t know what the smoke for vents from the truck on Cache is!’ -Your Gold Nova 2 friend. Seasoned player, has played with nearly every type of Toxic individual CSGO Ranks has to offer.

The Global Elite:

You make up 0.5% of the CSGO community. You are the rank everyone wishes to be. Yet still, when you join an ESEA match, you come back with 1 Rws and complain that your team didn’t try. In addition, if you want to understand more about the CSGO Ranks system click here!

Leave a comment